The girl I know vs the girl who is always misunderstood

(Dedicated to my friend who needs to know she’s the best!)

Kind women are not dumb. They’re not naive. They see what others see. They know who’s fake and who’s genuine. They know who cares and who is just pretending. They know who is taking them for granted and who appreciates their kindness. They know everything but they don’t change who they are according to how people treat them. They rise above it all. They remain kind because that’s who they are. That’s their nature and they refuse to let the world change that.

Kind women don’t find love easily because they’re looking for something real. They’re looking for a best friend and a confidant. They’re looking for someone who doesn’t change their giving nature. They’re looking for someone who allows them to love freely and show their love in all the ways they want to. They don’t find love easily because they don’t know how to play games. They don’t know how to manipulate men. They don’t know how to feel something and not wear their hearts on their sleeves.

Kind women are not pushovers but they know how to forgive. They believe in second chances. They see the best in people. They believe that everyone deserves more than one chance. Everyone changes. Everyone makes mistakes and learns. Everyone is allowed to start over. Kind women have big hearts and they will always follow what their hearts tell them even if they break the ‘rules.’

Because kind women don’t believe in rules, they believe in humanity. They don’t need someone to tell them who they should be because they love who they are. They’re comfortable in their own skin. They see their kindness as a blessing, not a curse.

They know that it may not always be a quality that serves them well in this day and age but they also know that it will eventually take them where they want to go and bring the right kind of people into their lives.

Kind women don’t really care about what others think of them anymore. They know they’ll always be misunderstood and misjudged and not given the respect or attention they deserve but they will always be a step ahead of others. They will always be connected to something deeper and something more spiritual. They will always have more faith in God and the universe. They will always see the silver lining in tragedies. They will always see the beauty in pain. They will always find a way to be kind when they’re supposed to be mean. They will always choose kindness even if it’s not reciprocated.

I spent so much time alone in my room growing up that my parents used to question if I was depressed.

In reality, I was just having a damn good time with myself, reading TeenBeat, experimenting with makeup, fantasizing about life’s possibilities, and having dance parties in heels in front of my mirror.

Can a girl live?!

I was, and still am I think, a bit misunderstood by my family. They’re a gregarious bunch and I’m the only quiet one who prefers to not have attention on her. (That makes my family seem like attention whores; they’re not. Attention just tends to freak me out a bit more and I’d rather just be left to do my own thing without all eyes on me.)

Sure, part of why I kept to myself was a coping mechanism.

It’s undeniable and something I didn’t realize until I got older. It’s easier to be sheltered in my own world than to be judged or have to deal with the expectations that were outside of my door.

In my world, I could be my true self without being questioned or judged.

But, besides isolating myself to cope, I was allowing myself to recharge.

Being around loud people can be exhausting. Being forced to talk about myself and my day can be exhausting. Fake smiling to please people is always exhausting.

To this day, my parents, whom I have a good relationship with, will still sometimes say “smile!” if I’m looking particularly displeased and I still want to scream. (They apparently don’t understand what resting bitch face is.)

Instead of doing what they tell me to, I’m old enough to finally stand up for myself. Does it always go over well? No. But the little girl inside always admires the badass in me who now has the ability to put boundaries in place and communicate authentically without fear of the consequences.

“Someone gets me.”
“I’m normal.”
“I’m unique.”
“I’m powerful.”

I won’t apologize for having a rich inner world, for enjoying my own company, for needing to take breaks from people and things that drain the energy from me, or for not being the bubbly person that society values so much.

I won’t be forced to smile, by my family, men on the street, or colleagues.

I know it can make people feel uncomfortable.

But my job or purpose isn’t to make people feel comfortable.

I will live and act how I choose to, and I accept that not everyone will understand.

My priority isn’t to have everyone understand me. It is to be true to who I am. Always.

At some point in our lives, we will all be misunderstood or misjudged, and it will hurt. It will hurt like hell. Like the ebb and flow of a rushing fire coursing through your veins, the agony of your muscles ripping their way through your skin, the heart beating ferociously to be let out its cage. Do not be ashamed—be unabashedly brazen and know the anguish you are experiencing is only temporary and that anguish is not yours to endure alone.

For the introvert readers who hide behind a stack of books wishing they were as courageous as the characters they read about.

For the ones that disguise their curves in oversized clothing, ashamed of their own bodies.

For the ones who sleep on pillows doused with their own tears, reliving the cruel gossip they’ve endured.
For the ones who find comfort at the bottom of the bottle, drinking their pain and insecurities away.

For the ones who feel like they are drowning on land, clenching their nails deeply into their fists, fighting the tightening of their chests, the closing in of their reality.

For the girls yelling into the mirror, hating themselves for wanting to taste other girls’ lips.

For the boys who are secretly disgusted with themselves for leading that girl on when all they want is the warmth of another boy’s embrace.

For the ones living in the shadows for fear of being publicly harassed for their looks, orientation, social status, ethnicity, or intelligence level.

For the ones who wake up and go to sleep every day believing they aren’t enough.

For the ones who open their legs to anyone who shows them a little love or attention because they believe they aren’t deserving of anything worthy.

For the ones who cry out gut-wrenching screams, willing their shattered hearts to be somehow made whole again.

For the ones in the shower, scrubbing their skin until it’s raw, desperately trying to wash away the feelings of disgust and sin from someone who robbed them of their innocence.

For the ones with the bleeding and bruised knuckles from punching walls because it’s the only way they can release the pent-up anger and despair from being someone else’s punching bag.

For the ones who fall prey to the negative self -fulfilling prophecies imposed on them

For the ones that can’t yet find it in their hearts to forgive, even though they love the one that hurt them with every fiber of their being.

For the ones who hold a blackbelt in beating themselves down.

For the ones who don’t think it will ever get better.

For the ones who have lost hope, who are low on faith, who need a reminder, who crave a friend, who needs to hear this: I hear you. I see you. I love you.

You are not alone.

Some days you’re going to feel so unbeautiful. Some days the one you need most is not going to want to touch you, hold you, see you, be around you when you ache, when you need them to choose you without having to ask them to. Some moments, they will not understand you because souls like yours are so old, they are too ancient to fully comprehend. Sometimes your being a force of nature will go against you. Sometimes putting others before you is going to go against you. And you will hurt darling, how you will hurt. It will feel like the pain is ripping through your body and all you want to do is scream because how, how, how could this happen to you again?

This is the tragedy of having a heart so big that smaller hearts and minds cannot handle you. This is the trouble with trying so hard that you expect others to give you to same courtesy. And it never works like that. Because not everyone has the gift within them to give as much as you. Your selflessness feels like your ruin on some days and for that I am sorry, so sorry.

On those days I hope you can remember how high you have climbed just to feel the sun on your face. How brave you are. Remember sitting on the ledge of that building looking at how far down the ground was and having the confidence in yourself not to fall. Remember staring into the eyes of those who have hurt you and taking away their power by never allowing them to hurt you anymore. Remember clawing your way out of every abyss that you fell into, just to breathe again. Now channel that girl, that lioness again. You can conquer anything.

You might be misunderstood.
You might not be able to make everyone happy.
You might not be living your life on your terms.
You might not be getting what you want.
But always remember, You are you and no one can be you.
I know what you are, so don’t let anything pull you down!
No one can pull you down!

No matter what happens

I am always by your side and I love you

Next blog will be out soon.
Please share this blog, like it and comment what you feel about it!

Desai Thoughts MEdia.

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