She’s moved on, and I’m not going to lie, it hurt me more than I thought it would. Am I listening to Darshan Rawal’s songs every day? Yes, but I’m happy for her.
For nine months, it was me she kept coming back to, and for nine months, it was me who kept pushing her away. A mere eight weeks ago, it was still me who she wanted until I finally managed to push her away. For nine months, she kept coming back to me until I gave her a reason to go looking for you. I’ve always been my own obstacle. Sometimes I can’t help but destroy the things that seem too good to be true. I destroyed what we had, and now she’s yours. You might be a duck faced puppet but her choices are “sometimes” vague.
Does that make you feel any type of way? Do you feel almost thankful that I messed up the way I did?
Do you think I’m horrible for dragging things out for so long? Horrible for stringing her along? Horrible for finally realizing my emotions when she was already with you? Horrible for secretly wishing she’ll still come back to me, that she’ll feel an emotional pull towards me?
The reality is that she’s found happiness in you. She’s built a relationship with you when she and I could never get there. The reality is that she won’t come back to me, because she respects what you have. She’s not thinking of me because your relationship is something ours never was.
I hope that you cherish her in the way I didn’t, that it doesn’t take you 11 months to figure out just how much you care for her. I hope that you’re able to have the happiness we never found. I hope that you can forgive me for the hurt I caused her, because ultimately it led her to you.
I hope you make her happier than I ever would’ve, that you don’t play the mind games I did. I hope that you light up his days, that her smile fills your heart. Because she deserves that. She deserves to have happiness, to feel wanted by the person she wants. I hope that you can be everything I never was.
Don’t take her for granted. Savor the way her singing wakes the butterflies within you, appreciate her encouraging nature when you can’t play video games right, watch her smile when you’re watching comedies together, hold her tight when you say goodbye. Do all the things I can no longer do.
Be the boy she’ll want to bring home to the parents, the boy she’s proud to call her. Be the boy she tells her friends about, not the boy who was too afraid to meet her mom.
Don’t do what I did. Don’t push a good person away just because you’re scared. Take a chance at happiness with her. Tell her you care, and if you don’t, then please don’t hurt her by sticking around for longer. Don’t lie to her because she’s the most understanding person ever and you’ll feel horrible after you’ve done it.
She’ll understand and respect where your boundaries lie. The way her arms wrap around you will be your favorite feeling. The way she looks when she admires your beauty will make you melt.
Be a light in her life, challenge her, accept her the way she is, guide her, love her.
Don’t complicate her life like I did. Don’t get angry when she doesn’t reply for a while, you’ll notice she’s not obsessed with her phone, so while it may be inconvenient when you’re trying to get a hold of her, I can assure you it’s the absolute best part about date night.
Cherish your time and don’t hold back. Do things right so that later you’re not left wondering what you could’ve done differently. Learn to take chances, because life is too short to wonder, “What if?”
Next blog will be out soon.
Desai Thoughts MEdia.
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