All I need is peace!

(Written by Anchal)

Idk what am I feeling rn, but Ik something’s not good inside me. I’m feeling like I’ve lost a piece of myself. The piece that wasn’t so important for my survival but I still feel blank, like really blank. My body is resisting good hormones, like totally. I’ve never been like this. Iknow I can feel good things, but something’s not letting me. Am I still at denial ??
Or have I accepted my fate but can’t move ahead. I don’t think I miss her anymore or is it just that me and my head are pretending this to each other ?
I haven’t completely stopped thinking about you. I get a glimpse of you while talking about anything that’s related to you. Even if it’s not, I still relate it to you in many ways. I’m not scared anymore about being a paranoia, I won’t. But I’m scared about my feelings in the future. Will I ever be able to trust someone again or I’ll always be resisting myself like this. I’ve lost my smile. Ik imma get everything back and normal but right now, nothing is at peace.
There’s a little quake happening inside me, which has messed me up a lot. I don’t even know how to stop all this. I have nothing solid to say. I’m just not okay. I can’t even say that to anyone but i wanna hug someone and cry a lot. Cry until I get every shit out of my head and certainly my heart for once atleast. It’s a time where I need someone very badly but at the same time I resist if anyone tries to come closer.
My poor heart is searching for peace at the same place where I lost it. Damn that’s just impossible right.

I don’t even remember who I was before i met her. I’m completely changed, I can say that. Everybody says that. Did she just destroy me or was it me ?
I wanna ask her every question from my head but Ik she’ll never answer those. Never ever. She’s rigid.
But I can’t help myself.
Everytime people come and then leave me with my unanswered questions !!
Damn that shit is now a sad constant of my life .
I’m sucking at life and it’s eating me up. I just need peace.

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