In the past, I was always trying to find someone to love me unconditionally (and forever), but I was always so hesitant to love someone the same way because I was scared of getting hurt. Looking back, I see the irony and hypocrisy in my thinking—I knew what I wanted, but I was not ready to give the same to someone else.
I also realized that I had to grow up to let someone love me. Fear of commitment and failure were my overused excuses to why I could never find someone to love me as a whole, because I used those excuses to find something wrong with everyone.
When I met him, I knew we had an emotional connection and we enjoyed our bubble till reality and life hit us.
Life is full of temptations, and I had to make a choice and honor my promise to him. I had to respect myself to be able to respect his feelings, because everyone can get hurt. That is why I fought for myself and I fought for him, because without him, life wouldn’t be the same.
The truth is, there is no right person or right time. If I really want to love someone forever, I have to make that choice. The only way I can love someone forever is if I want to.
A couple of months into knowing each other, I realized we were different, and I also realized that we shared the same goal and wanted the same thing in life—we wanted to be with each other.
When two people want to make it work, they do. It is not rocket science; it is common sense.
I chose to love him forever because I have never met someone who was so sure of me and I have never been so sure of someone before.
He is my rock; he is there when I want help the least but need it the most. He is always there. We have an understanding that giving up is not an option—we will do whatever it takes and sometimes it takes a lot of work. When we fight, we fight fair, and we don’t project our past into our present. We are in this for the long haul.
Change is hard for me, and sometimes I get so angry, but his love is so pure. I am thankful for the uncomfortable things that have helped me grow with him.
One of my mentors shared her relationship advice: “If it mattered, it would matter.” It makes so much sense now. When you love someone, what is important to them becomes your priority too.
A close friend of mine, who is a happily married mom of two, told me that relationships aren’t easy and that they take work. She told me that we have to change in a relationship and most people think it’s a cliché to change for another person. She added that if you want to continue being with someone, you have to let yourself grow, and growth is change.
It finally made sense to me. There is a negative connotation to changing yourself when you are in a committed relationship, but it is necessary for it to succeed. You have to change your single ways when you are with someone.
My best friend, who has been madly in love with her husband for more than a decade, told me that love is not about finding the one—love is choosing to be with someone despite your differences and working together because you are a good team. She told me love is not about give and take—it may seem like you are giving more, but in the end, things always balance themselves out. She told me not to keep count of who does more.
I also learned it makes more sense to take love and relationship advice from friends based on their relationship status because there is always an overflow of self-appointed advisors who think they know. I learned not to judge my relationship based on other people’s opinions.
I have chosen to love him forever, and if you want my advice, I’d say choose someone who will do whatever it takes, because sometimes it takes a lot, and it is scary. Choose someone who is willing to risk themselves in the process because you would do the same. Choose someone who chooses you with the same promise you made yourself—a promise of happiness that comes with a price, but a price well worth it. Choose reliability over momentary excitement; choose stability over temporary fun.
Life is short and life is unpredictable. Now more than ever, I know that things can change anytime. I don’t want to waste time not appreciating love when I see it. I will never let my ego ruin my happiness.
I know I don’t want a life without him because I don’t want to imagine a day without him.
If you want to love someone forever, it all depends on you, because it is your choice.
Next blog will be out soon.Desai Thoughts MEdia.
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