It’s strange how even the tiniest details remind me of you. Almost every day, I visit our coffee shop. I’ve gotten close to finishing my own cup, but I still can’t do it most days. Perhaps it’s because the prospect of the end scares me. I don’t want to think it’s real, even though I can see it approaching. I had a sneaking suspicion you were going, but I refused to accept it.
I wanted to believe that what we were experiencing was genuine. I wanted to believe I’d be the one to persuade you to make a commitment. All I wanted was to believe you.
Even the things we most believe in, though, might fail us. You disappointed me. What we had was really unique. You managed to persuade me that this time would be different. I thought I’d finally met someone who understood me, but I’ve realised that all I’ve discovered is yet another loose thread that I’ll never be able to tie.
Every day offers new recollections of what we used to have. I’ve been sitting here, drowning, trying to reclaim the life I had before you came into my life. I’ve been trying to forget how you stared at me on our first date. And I’ve been trying to forget about your presence in my body, heart, and soul. But no matter what I try, I can’t seem to get away from you.
Maybe it’s because you made me feel for the first time in a long time. I felt wanted for the first time in a long time. I felt noticed. For the first time in a long time, I felt like it was finally time to relax and enjoy myself.
Your touch was energising, but not quite as bright as your thoughts. If you had allowed me, I could have spent hours lost in it. But you’d never allow it. You would stop me whenever I got too near to learning everything. Perhaps I was simply your complimentary therapy session, and the major revelations came at a far higher cost.
Despite the fact that I knew you were continually departing, a part of me desired you would remain. People like you, on the other hand, aren’t supposed to stay in one place for too long. You came to show me that I was still alive, despite all that had happened to me and what was about to happen. You came to show me that love isn’t a straight line with a clear beginning and end that we all get to traverse. Some of us make it to the finish, while others must forge a new road in order to discover the true conclusion.
I’ve tried to unlove you, but I’ve finally understood that just because someone leaves you doesn’t mean everything you ever had has to go with them. You may still feel their affection in your heart. All you have to do now is realise that the love you formerly had is no longer the love they have to give.
That doesn’t change the fact that your love is genuine.
Frequently, you don’t even feel real.
But then I’ll take a drink of our favourite coffee and realise something.
You’re the genuine deal.
I am real.
We didn’t need anyone else to show us that.
Next blog will be out soon.
Desai Thoughts MEdia.
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