Most of the time ‘mixed signals’ means ‘no.’ Or, I don’t know what I want and I am a mixed up person, in a mixed up part of my life, or a flake. All of the above indicate that it’s often best to move on.
You don’t owe anyone a date/relationship. Yes, s/he may be a nice person, but if you’re not attracted to them, you’re not attracted to them. Nice isn’t enough. A breakup is not a negotiation, and you can break up with someone for any reason at any time. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy.
If they’re always on their phone when you see them but take hours to reply to your texts, they’re not interested.
Don’t talk shit about your exes, and don’t date someone who does the same. (Unless their ex was legitimately abusive or horrible – but even then, they should try not to bring it up constantly). People who are less experienced with dating seem to think that complaining about an ex is a great way to imply your loyalty to your current partner. Like, ‘you don’t need to worry about my ex, I hate that bitch now!’ People with more experience think ahead: is this how you’re going to talk about me after we break up? Why do your relationships end so acrimoniously? An ex is someone who meant something to you at one point, however differently you may feel about them now. And in most cases, that should earn them at least enough respect not to bad-mouth them to future partners.
If you put someone on a pedestal, you force them to look down on you.
A lot of dating is just ice cream and spaghetti situations, they are both delicious, but not necessarily together. Maybe ice cream needs hot fudge and spaghetti needs meatballs. In other words, don’t stick around if you get the feeling things aren’t right for you, you don’t need a big reason to leave — lots of people are great, just not as a partner for you. Be direct and polite letting someone go, but that is really all you are responsible for. They may beg you for a ‘reason,’ but most of the time, like I said, there really isn’t one. Ice cream and spaghetti. By the same logic, learn to see people deciding not to keep seeing you as not necessarily personal.
Be yourself. If it doesn’t work for them, it won’t work for you in the long run, either.
Communication is important, but only on a foundation of compatibility. And while relationships take work, it shouldn’t feel like all work. Basically, you cannot ‘talk through’ fundamental differences, and shouldn’t ‘compromise’ on your financial habits, hobbies, interests, social energy, hopes and dreams in life like too many couples do.
While you absolutely don’t want a one-sided relationship as a whole, you don’t have to be perfectly fair for everything. Things like who drives more or who pays more or who plans what to do or who initiates intimacy can be skewed to one side. A good relationship should be split 60/40, with both people trying to be the 60.
You’re both going to be nervous and you’re both going to say stupid things on the first date. Humor those things and don’t let them control the date.
It’s a numbers game, and the best way to succeed is to learn to give and take rejection well.
Next blog will be out soon.Desai Thoughts MEdia.
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