I was going through one of the hardest times of my life when I first met her. I was afraid that she would not love me for the wreck that I was because I knew I was damaged beyond repair. She never did, though. She merely widened her arms and tightened her embrace. She never viewed me as I saw myself; instead, she persuaded me that I was a person deserving of love. That I was not a failure or a mess, that I had excellent traits within me, and that I had accomplishments to be proud of. She recognized something in me that I had never seen in myself, and she never condemned the way that I had attacked and destroyed my own self-worth.
It’s challenging to live with an inferiority complex. It’s the persistent voice in your brain telling you that you’re not good enough. She, however, hushed such ideas by embracing me exactly as I was and as I perceived myself. She never perceived me as needy or clinging; rather, she saw kindness in me. She decided to focus on the positive traits I disliked rather than my acts of kindness, compassion, and empathy. And because she was uncritical of my weaknesses and never made an effort to improve them, I could go to her for anything. She accepted me as I was, without condition, and not as she desired.
That is what love is all about. You love someone more deeply when you notice them at their most exposed, when their eyes are down in shame at who they are. He murmurs, “I love you for you,” to me when I feel ashamed of just being me. What keeps me going on the tough days are the calming, soothing, and reassuring sentiments I get from her words and my memories of her.
I’m now working on loving myself. I set aside time each day for self-care and self-love. Although I’m still a work in progress and undoubtedly not a flawless masterpiece, Mom still adored me. She showed entire acceptance of me, flaws and all. She taught me how to love myself, so I’ll never forget how she made me feel. that it’s OK to be upfront and honest with someone about your worst traits without feeling the need to hide them or be embarrassed. that it’s OK to love yourself and be loved by someone else.
My life’s biggest regret is taking her down with me. She had to continually encourage, reassure, and soothe me, which must have been a heavy burden for her. She may have been more happier if she had been with someone more stable and emotionally developed. We did, however, decide to choose each other at one time. But I do feel terrible for subjecting her to all she didn’t have to go through and for making her feel like my troubles were a burden. She had the capacity to do anything in this world, and I may have contributed to her decline.
She decided to love me despite the disaster I was in, despite the fact that I tried so hard to give her everything because I knew she deserved so much more than what I could provide.
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Desai Thoughts MEdia.
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